em·pa·thy [em-puh-thee]
noun
1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
Least fruitful of the X-Men; Purveyor of Antagony; Harbinger of Alcoholism.
I'd like to start this off like the pivotal point in the Peter Parker story - that with great power comes great responsibility. That spandex will be making a serious power-play in my life in the near future. But, no. There was no great life altering event when I was confirmed as an empathist. If anything all it did was give a name to my annoying capacity to get anxiety related whiplash.
Like this. Only not.
Empathy is like a double-edged sword: on one hand you can read peoples' emotions and responses with relative ease. On the other hand you can read peoples' emotions and reponses with relative ease. It's the kind of thing that has really come into it's own having worked in customer service for the last 6 years where hard-selling has often been a part of the game. I have no qualms with surface-reading ( check me out, I'm giving myself abilities now ) potential buyers in the moment - I don't need to know much beyond their reactions. Because a potential buyer comes and goes within the space of 10 minutes, usually. Plays out like chess. Strategic. Check. Check.
Where it gets O so much stickier is when it's people I'm closer to.
You have to understand empathy is not the kind of thing that can be controlled - I don't press two fingers to my temple and squint an awful lot/rupture something then suddenly hear a cacophony of voices enlightening me on everything I could ever hope to know. Hell I'm sure it'd be a lot easier to deal with if that was the case. Nah, empathy is a constant. Every little detail gets picked up on and relayed straight to the ol' frontal lobes for dissection post-haste.
And generally, it comes out pretty useful. I can make small, general assumptions that will help me in some way to improve a situation. If I'm feeling ballsy I can even make pretty epic assumptions that have Hindenburg-level repercussions if I fuck them up. Here's the point I get to be fantastically arrogant: it's not the assumption I'm wrong about, it's the manner in which I deal with it. Great power - great responsibility, remember? Sorry Uncle Ben!
Where it gets O so much stickier is when it's people I'm closer to.
You have to understand empathy is not the kind of thing that can be controlled - I don't press two fingers to my temple and squint an awful lot/rupture something then suddenly hear a cacophony of voices enlightening me on everything I could ever hope to know. Hell I'm sure it'd be a lot easier to deal with if that was the case. Nah, empathy is a constant. Every little detail gets picked up on and relayed straight to the ol' frontal lobes for dissection post-haste.
And generally, it comes out pretty useful. I can make small, general assumptions that will help me in some way to improve a situation. If I'm feeling ballsy I can even make pretty epic assumptions that have Hindenburg-level repercussions if I fuck them up. Here's the point I get to be fantastically arrogant: it's not the assumption I'm wrong about, it's the manner in which I deal with it. Great power - great responsibility, remember? Sorry Uncle Ben!
I can already taste the chutney-flavoured forgiveness
Cutely, I heard recently that I shouldn't assume because assumptions "make an ass out of u and me". Which is redundant because I'm pretty sure "go with your gut" is also an assumption-based-out-of-context quote that we never tell people not to do. That's the kind of assumption I'm relating to, something far more primal. So u and me can fuck right off.
No, wait...
So let me link us back in. Empathy can't be controlled. Affects everyone - people I'm close to and otherwise. And it's constant. So take a guess which other wonderfully neurotic human condition is its bedfellow? Paranoia. Because no one wants to upset those closest to them, right? So you pick up on something - a tiny inkling of a detail; a miniscule emotional response. But you wait. Because what if you're wrong? Then you think on it and consider the deeper meaning of that tiny little response. And the more time you spend not acting on it, the more time you spend considering it. Then another tiny little response comes along and stacks ontop of the last one. It really gets quite confusing because these are people you spend a considerable amount of time with. So there's a lot of tiny little responses to contemplate. "There was no opportunity. There was no pause. He just kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence, moving from topic to topic, so that no one had a chance to interrupt; it was really quite hypnotic."
No, wait...
So let me link us back in. Empathy can't be controlled. Affects everyone - people I'm close to and otherwise. And it's constant. So take a guess which other wonderfully neurotic human condition is its bedfellow? Paranoia. Because no one wants to upset those closest to them, right? So you pick up on something - a tiny inkling of a detail; a miniscule emotional response. But you wait. Because what if you're wrong? Then you think on it and consider the deeper meaning of that tiny little response. And the more time you spend not acting on it, the more time you spend considering it. Then another tiny little response comes along and stacks ontop of the last one. It really gets quite confusing because these are people you spend a considerable amount of time with. So there's a lot of tiny little responses to contemplate. "There was no opportunity. There was no pause. He just kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence, moving from topic to topic, so that no one had a chance to interrupt; it was really quite hypnotic."
So maybe a little bit like this.
So what about conviction? The capacity to stop procrastinating and actually do something entirely resolute. My conviction is as consistent as my resolve. It occurred to me only early yesterday evening that my conviction wavers because I forget that I am a sound judge of character. And in these moments of forgetfullness I seek the counsel of others for their opinions and then somehow decide that their word is creed. Which is lunacy! And entirely counter-intuitive.
Because people can be right.
But they can also be very wrong.
Yes, yes that means you too, Andrew! Do you think Eastwood takes tips on being a bad-ass from the gallery then acts on them? Or that Larsson ever asked someone for pointers on kicking a ball then went off and took it to heart? There's nothing *wrong* with opinions. So long as we remember that that's just what they are. There's nothing concrete about them. And we need to remember that we are allowed to be stalwart in our convictions; adamant in our resolve. "Preaching to the choir" couldn't be more relevent. Say it together now:
Because people can be right.
But they can also be very wrong.
Yes, yes that means you too, Andrew! Do you think Eastwood takes tips on being a bad-ass from the gallery then acts on them? Or that Larsson ever asked someone for pointers on kicking a ball then went off and took it to heart? There's nothing *wrong* with opinions. So long as we remember that that's just what they are. There's nothing concrete about them. And we need to remember that we are allowed to be stalwart in our convictions; adamant in our resolve. "Preaching to the choir" couldn't be more relevent. Say it together now:
I am good at what I do
The kind of thing I wish empaths could do
Sorry for such a self-masturbatory post. DEAR DIARY... TODAY I INDULGED MYSELF. IT DONE DID FEEL GOOD. THANKS FOR LISTENING.
I resisted the urge to quote Wolverine there. But my point is that I somehow manage to lose faith in the one thing I know I'm pretty accurate at. And I shouldn't. If you're proficient in something why doubt it? Currently struggling with my inner-monologue right now debating the nature of blog posts like these. They're not really for anyone's benefit but my own, right? Self-reassurance in it's most literary form.
I'm going to walk away at this point because my head is about to do a Scanners. "Do a Scanners" should be useable in every-day context. Just sayin'.
I'm going to walk away at this point because my head is about to do a Scanners. "Do a Scanners" should be useable in every-day context. Just sayin'.
The kind of thing I wish empaths could do
Sorry for such a self-masturbatory post. DEAR DIARY... TODAY I INDULGED MYSELF. IT DONE DID FEEL GOOD. THANKS FOR LISTENING.
