Infraction

I'd like to say that I often feel trapped. But I don't - I always feel trapped. Not in my life or within circumstance but trapped inside myself. I find it difficult to express in words but let me try.

I am the prisoner and I am the prison.

I am the shackles & the bars.

I am the warden and the keys at his belt.

I am my own incarceration. I am the jury that convicted me and the judge that sentenced me.

I am the parole board. I weigh myself fecklessly and decide unfairly.

I am afraid, standing before myself. Afraid and cowed.

I am without choice or free-will.

I am returned.

I am the prisoner and I am the prison.

I am dreaming. All day, all night - I am dreaming.

I am wont to longing of freedom.

I am not alone and yet I am. This dream is my cell-mate.

I am trapped. I am incarcerated. I am imprisoned within myself. And I want to be set free. I can reach out and I can grasp and I can turn the key. And I can step out from behind these bars and I can walk out of this gaol and I can breathe in a sense of self that tastes like euphoria. I can do a lot of things.

But I am the prisoner -

- and I am the prison.

Breathe.